Would I really do it? Sometimes its too hard to bear. I wish I’d meet someone I can trust with all my heart. Someone who wouldn’t kick me out of his room after having sex with me. Someone who wouldn’t ignore me whenever he had free time. I fell in love with someone completely different. Or maybe he was just different cause it was new love and he had something to prove. I’m old news now. He doesn’t have to treat me right anymore because he already has my heart. That’s what men do right? Win your heart only to crush it. Why am I so gullible? I should’ve been strong. I shouldn’t have been so easy to get. Now I can never take it back.
Its not even like that. Its easier to think men are evil than to admit that he’s fallen out of love with me. I couldn’t hold his heart and that’s just how it is. He’ll really fall in love and marry some beautiful, amazing girl and I’ll still be seeing a shrink and taking pills just to get out of bed in the morning. How could I even fool myself into thinking this would work. I’m so delusional sometimes. I need to guard my heart better.
If there was a God he would’ve raped me and killed me. That way I wouldn’t live like an emotional cripple forever. I should just finish what he started. It would at least be more dignified than being incapable of normal life.
